Transforming a stuck relationship

Are there people you’re always uncomfortable with (at the office, in the family...)? Are some of your relationships stuck?

Is this inevitable, or do you think it could change?

One day, when I was young, I had a conflict with a friend. On a whim, I decided that I would always be polite with her... but that she would no longer be my friend. The years went by, and that conflict faded from my mind. Yet the decision I had made, in a moment of anger, stayed firmly in place, and my relationship with her never went beyond good manners. It was only twenty years later that I thought back to that conflict, to my decision and, above all, to the cost of the choice I had made. It’s crazy that such an old conflict could keep us from being better friends. There was no reason for it to go on that way, and I found the price of that impulsive decision too high to keep paying. The first step, for me, was to change the way I saw her. I used the state of hypnosis to picture her more clearly. I worked on making the image of her in my unconscious a beautiful one, imagining her in good health, smiling and happy. I also used it to clear out all the emotions tied to her, letting go of regret, sadness and shame, and growing joy and gratitude instead.

Why make these changes?

When I feel good in her presence, when I see her as beautiful and feel good around her, there’s a good chance she’ll feel good with me too. That’s how we can build an enjoyable relationship and grow closer.

It worked well. We now have a lot more fun when we see each other, and as a bonus, it gave me the chance to make new friends... her kids!

How can you do it too?

If you’ve taken our basic hypnosis training, you can use the Relational Peace technique. Another very simple technique is to:

1. Set your intentions: You must first hold the intention that the relationship improves. That’s essential. It has to be a firm decision. It doesn’t mean you want to be best friends in the world, but you can aim for a gradual improvement in your relationship. Your intention is the engine of all transformation.
2. Speak positively: For a while, force yourself to speak only well of the person. You can even talk to yourself (out loud or in your head). Start with “What I like about xyz is that…”. Gradually, you’ll build a more positive mental image.
3. Forgive: It’s healthy to forgive yourself for everything you’ve done, said, thought… and to forgive the other person too. That doesn’t mean forgetting everything as if nothing happened. But it does mean letting go of the shame, the anger… that have built up in your relationship. I forgive you… I forgive myself…